2 Ditzy Broads

This post is dedicated to all the non-parents out there, appreciate your freedom and privacy while you are kid-free, cause as soon as you decided to have some, all of the mentioned above, GONE...So, because i feel it is only right to warn all of the non-parents out there cause nobody warned me, here is a list of things you need to know about children, before you have them.....

*They think the world is all about them them them, I I I, me me me so get ready to drop whatever it is you doing, to do what they want, happens all the time

* For some reason, no matter how much you train them, teach them, threaten them, warn them, they STILL find a way to embarrass you in public, either by saying shit like " Mommy is that a midget..." all loud and thangs, or by walking over to the doors of a shopping center with an item in they hands just so they can hear the alarms and bells and whistles go off.....and no joke yall, my son finds a way to do this shit every chance he get....

*It's not cool for you to have something just for you, you can't just go to the mall and buy you a pair of sandals on sale, oh no, you gotta get they ass a pair of shoes too, you can't enjoy your peach in peace, hell naw they just have to have a bite, you can't snuggle in bed with daddy, that is a no, no, they gon find a way to come in and cock block.....

*You may as well get ready to sit throo countless black history programs, cinco de mayo shows, step shows, talent shows, award ceremonies, PTA meetings etc.... and if they hard headed ass lil bad kids, then parent/teacher conferences as well, me, i find that a shot of liquor will get you thoo these things, just make sure you keep ya sunglasses on, and a piece of gum in ya mouth...P.S. this also works for trick or treating......

*This rule applies if you have multiple children, lol for all of you smarties, that means more than 1, me, i have 2 kids, and it took me about 2 yrs of "on the job training" but i finally got it, no matter how much you preach that sharing is caring, shit ain't gon happen, so instead of buying just one bag of chips and one soda @ the store for them to share, get each of the kid their own.....saves a whole lot of time, tears, screaming, and threats of stopping the car, and coming back there to regulate.....

*Pick ya battles....this is a key "ingredient" when raising kids, you got 18 yrs to argue, fuss, fight, so if ya daughter wants to dress herself and she come out the house looking like bozo the clown even after you tried to tell her that it don't match, leave her be, cause when she get about oh let's say 15, you gon have to argue about curfews, 16 argue about boys, 17 argue about getting a car, and it goes on and on and on, so you got plenty of time to get ya pressure raised up, and to pop a zanex, let the little shit go, cause the big shit ain't even here yet, and it's gon make you wonder why you had unprotected sex in the 1st place....

Now, it is plenty more i could share, but i would have to write a whole book on it, these are just warnings, so take heed all you non-parents, can't say i didn't warn ya, and that i never gave ya nothing.....and a special GOOD LUCK to my partner in blogg'n, she know what it is....lol