Why Wednesday

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Chrissy's Why's

why we lettin the blog fall to the wayside again

why its cause of work

why dat shit is overrated

why lately my job and the people @ my job been irking my nerves

why i dont really even have any nerves left

why they not even being original in hollyweird no more as far as scary movies go, all they doin is remaking old shit

why this lady here @ work was askin me how to setup a blog and i told as well as showed her what to do, but u cant pull her shit up when searching for it

why she think imma blog expert iono

why it STAY cold in my lobby

why am i still thirsty

why imma cop me another cold drank

why i sent bammy an e-mail asking her if she wanted to why with me this morning and she aint got back with me yet

why she betta get back with me by the time i am done why'n

why the last season of nip/tuck is so disapointing

why i feel like we nip/tuck fans aint gon get a nice good clean fresh ending

why dats gon piss me off

why my haircut cute

why the only thang wrong with it is the fact that its too cold to be rocking a short cut right now

why this lady keep offering me homemade chicken soup

why its orange

why i have no clue what homemade chicken soup look like, but that shit in the can aint orange so why is her shit orange

why i read on people.com that gary busey just had a baby boy with some chick

why i wanna know what female would sleep with gary busey and let him buss one in her to make a baby

why bammy just got back to me and said she aint wanna post no why's

why imma post my sad n lonely why's all alone then

Sign Here Tiger

Monday, February 15, 2010

Tiger Woods cheated on his wife.....15 times. You know how many times that is? Whatever, we're passed that and apparently so is his wife. She called off the divorce and is gonna try and give it another go. *claps for her* I don't know many chicks that would do that but....whatever. So....I was thinking if it were me and I was put in her situation, I'd make that man whore sign a contract. And being the totally brilliant dizty broads that we are, here's what that contact would look like:

This agreement made this day between Elgin Woods Jr. and Elin Woods is to be kept and performed on the part of said parties hereto, respectively as herein stated:

I, Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods agree to; Love and honor my wife, and in doing so I have agreed to sign this contract and follow the terms agreed upon between my wife and I. I do fully understand the terms and will follow them to the best of my ability. And if I don't, I understand the consequences of those actions. I love my wife and kids, and want to make this union work.

Terms to be observed by and between the parties; If Mr. Woods is caught in any act's of infidelity either or all of the following will take place:

- His wife can chop his dick and balls set off and place it on display.

- His wife will have free reign to his bank accounts.

- He will have to pay 100,000 for every mistress that can be found.

-He will have to admit that he is indeed black...........FINALLY.

This agreement should be binding upon both parties, and hoes and or scallywags that interfere with the union between the married couple. This contract shall be enforced under the law, Nigga's ain't shit.

This is the end of the contract.

Signed this day and in the presence of:

Witness: Lorena Bobbitt __________

Why Wednesday

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Bammy's Why's

Why you can't pay me to watch Bad Girls Club?

Why you can't get me to watch American Idol either?

Why my new favorite saying is "cut your dick off and look for your vagina"?

Why that's gonna be my comeback to everything now?

Chrissy's Why's

why its cold as hell in this office and i swear i am so sicka these fuckas NOT turning the heater on

why lil wayne aint goin to the pen till march lmao

why they talking bout he broke a tooth

why that is called stallin

why bad girls club is my shit

why i stopped watching american idol iono how many seasons ago

why i gotta get on rupaul's drag queen race

why them is the OOGLIEST queens i ever did lay my eyes on

why i sat for a good 30 mins tryna to figure out where them ho's put they dick n ball sets

why imma stop watching these shows when my kids awake cause they too nosey

why lex walked in and goes THOSE ARE MEN??????

why she said where they put they balls momma

why i just put my head down

why them bitches had me tickled pink tho

why they revered to each other as girl, and she, and her lmao

why its this one round mouth queen on there named tyra who said I HATE GOING OUT IN PUBLIC IN DRAG IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

why i was like de fuck is the point of u being drag then if u shame

why rupaul is fierece than a muthafucka

why its too cold in here so imma stop typing

.....But I Don't Get It

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

*Sweet N Sour Chicken - this has bothered me for years, but I have yet to come across a chicken that was both Sweet AND Sour

*Why is Nicki Minaj rapping like a woman trying to sound like a man that sounds like a woman?

*Love - Love is complicated enough between people who see each other every day. But what I don't really understand is how someone can claim they love you and have never, EVER met you. Now maybe I haven't gotten with the times as yet but that screams attachment issues to me. Or at the very least crazy as hell.

*My Love affair with Swiss Cake Rolls - I.Just.Don't.Get.It

*The stupidty of humans - Some days I totally get where Lil Wayne was coming from with his whole Martian bit....Though.......he's in a whole nother galaxy all by his lonesome.

*Lamar Odom Kardashian - did he get married for love or publicity........that is the question.

*I never understood why Valentine's Day was so damn special. If you love someone shouldn't you show them your appreciation all year long? I think it's just a way for advertisers to get more money outta you lovey dovey sucka's.

If any of you have the answers to one or more of these questions, please....PLEASE feel free to enlighten me. OR if you have some things you don't understand, share and we can be lost together.

Single Life Ater Marriage (A Series)

Friday, February 5, 2010

Pic jacked from Google

Me and my hubby broke de fuck up, yadda yadda moving on.....Cut to present day A BITCH GOT BUCKWILD.....then i got bored and realized niggas was fuckin nutz!! So i stopped dating so to speak and closed my legs but the shit i gotta tell yall, imma list the niggas and situations that stood out in my head and give yall a lil synopsis on each one of em once a week so yall can see what Chrissy been up to while living the SINGLE LIFE.....

J Da Dope Boy-RIGHT UP MY ALLEY YALL.....A fuckin thug to the damn fullest, i saw his ass 1st i think iono, he was prolly watchin me too all night, all i know was it took his ass long nuff to get the fuck offa that pool table and come over to me, he said some slick fly ass shit out his mouth, i played all hard like NIGGA WHATEVER he kept @ the thug shit i kept the nigga imma bad bitch steez going....lol i think he thought he could get me drunk nuff to go home with his ass, cause he kept buying me amaretto sours witch i didnt get drunk off of just sick as fuck, we exchanged numbers.....

QUESTION why niggas think u be lying when u give them yo number and they pull they phone out right in the club and call yo ass and WAIT to see yo phone light up or ring just to make sure its really yo number?????? that shit happened to me so many times....

back to the story tho.....

I was sick as fuck the next day, HUNGOVER.....i woke up late, that is all i remember, checked my phone to see the time and i had too many missed calls iono i think it was like 6 and 4 of em was from J....ughhhhh u too thirsty fa me i returned his calls eventually and we chatted over the phone a few times lol but i just got the vibe he was stoopid and that turnt me off so i never called him he kept callin me......

One weekend after like several blow offs i gave his ass, he called when i was kid-less and i was like look i am horny where u stay so i can come get it he was all taken aback n shit SHOCKED....which made me think he ain't no real thug cause why he actin all shocked cause i said i wanted some???? shit like that shouldn't shock a thug right??? i mean aint u used to capping niggas and seeing dead bodies and dealing with crooked cops and drug raids n shit???? maybe my ass watch too much tv tho....*shrugs*

he told me where he lived i got there in a lil dress and some cute shoes no drawz *wink* tell me this tho yall why i walked in to a fuckin TRAP......and by trap i mean a gotdamn dope house, it was 20's and 10's n shit all on the table all willy nilly, and a big ass bag of weed that was broke down into 20 dolla lil baggies and his, i am guessing partner in crime was sittin on the couch sleep mouth open snoring... de fuck?????? what if a nigga decide to rob yall he aint no help....

J was just dumb, i told my innanet girls all the time if he would just fuck and not talk it would be all good cause something dumb stayed coming out his mouth.....he had the nerve to call and ask me one day, in the middle of the day @ that, on a weekday to take his ass on a dope run???? NIGGA IS U SICK??? I aint finna make myself into a mule or turn my car into a fuckin getaway vehicle for yo ass, and he was serious too yall, when he said i need a favor, i was like nigga what? thinkin he gon ask some shit like can you give me directions to someplace, or can i use you as a reference so i can get this rent a center furniture set....he coming talkin bout i need you to take me to pick up dis brick from my homeboy i laffed and was like nigga is u fa real, then i said ummmm yeah imma call you later, i aint call his ass back and he aint call me back......IDIOT...He was younger than me too like by 3/4 years i think he was like 25 i cant remember, he was too old to be still asking bitches to take his ass on dope runs n shit i know that, AND HE HAD A FUCKIN FLY ASS DOPE BOY CAR....IONO WHY HE AINT JUST USE HIS SHIT TO GO COP HIS BRICK....prolly cause it was too loud n obvious he had one of them caprices that was fuckin painted like now n laters or life savers or gobstoppers or some shit with 28's that was too big for the car to even roll right.....All you down south niggas know what i am talking bout lol, that is how we roll down here, in ridiculously stupid ass cars...

Needless to say only thing i liked bout J was his washboard ass stomach and that thug-ness bout his ass, or so called thug-ness, i was fooled, cause come to think of it what thug nigga buys a female drank after drank after drank after drank and not get mad and cuss her out and say some shit like BITCH LOOK, U DONE HAD 785454546 OF THEM THANGS NOW EITHER U ROLLIN WITH ME IN MY CAPRICE, OR IMMA LEAVE YO DRUNK ASS HERE.....He wasnt the thug i thought he was yall, and even if he was he was bascially just a taste of what i had to come while dealing with dudes and the bullshit yall brang to the table....

Feel Free to bombard me with questions, i might answer em i might not, but you can still ask....lol Stay Tuned...

Stand-Up Guys

Thursday, February 4, 2010

“Sitting home waiting for you, cause staring at these walls is all I can do” © - Kima, Keisha or Pam

Just about every female has been there, and she knows what I mean when I say that it is one of the worse feelings in the world. You get dressed, waiting on your date/man to come…an hour rolls by…..another hour rolls by, by this point either your seething or highly concerned. You call him, no answer. Pissed, is the emotion. The next morning the call comes. Maybe you answer it, maybe you don’t. But from that day on whenever you get dressed to go on another date, that little evil bitch ass voice in the back of your head is going to be saying “You know that nugga ain’t gon’ show up right?”

So fella’s, this list is for you. Because apparently men still stand women up:


Standing a female up usually spells death to a relationship. Especially if you don’t call. It may not be in the next few days but it will be one of the determining reasons later on down the line. Unless y’all have had sex and your dick game is proper. Then really all the rules go out the window. But if you haven’t, you probably won’t then. And really….you guys won’t stick around if there’s no sex, will you?

Give a Fuck-less.

She doesn’t care what the reason is….all she knows is, you made her get dressed, do her hair, get beautified and you didn’t even show up. Let me take you through the process:

First we have to decide what we want to wear. This is a task that can take up most of the time. We need to plan for every event, what pants to wear…should I wear underwear? Well if I do, I have to change pants…Do my boob’s look too small in this top? Got to find another one…..oh great it doesn’t go with the pants I have on.

We put a lot of effort into getting dressed when we go on a date. A LOT, and it goes all down the drain cause you decide you wanted to do whatever. I say this all to say, save the excuse no matter what it is. Don’t give the lame ol I’m sorry either. *do something different* (that’s a freebie, I just gave you)

Ain't worth a turd

So I hear through the grapevine that you guys are tired of hearing that saying “Nigga’s ain’t shit”? Well here is one certified way to not ever hear it again........... Don’t stand a female up. Plain and simple.

**You guys are on your own for the rest of the crap that contributes the nigga’s ain’t shit movement though.

Got a big ego, such a HUGE ego

Most women are very confident, whether it’s deserved or not. We don’t like to show it too much or let on, but we know. As confident as we are in that we are just as fragile. They probably don’t want me to you that. But it’s true, and I speak nothing but truth. And you don’t want to be one of the dents in a beautiful woman’s ego do you? There’s no coming back from that. You’ll scar her and she’ll never be able to look at you OR any other man the same. You don't want that on your conscious do you? I didn't think so.

"Once a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever" the instant we lose that bit of our confidence we'll never get it back.

So men, the next time you're about to stand a woman up.......Think about these things before you do.

**emails this to the guy that stood me up last**

2010 Why Wednesday's

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Bammy's Why's

Why is Lost so damn confusing.....that's all I'm going to say on the matter

Why do I keep getting emails from online dating services, they know something I don't know?

Why I decided NOT to post my blog til Thursday cause some of you's seem HUNGRY for the why's?

Why do I love Kobe Bean Bryant and his all time high scoring Lakerness?

Why do I now have an addiction to Lil Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls?

Why I KNOW at least one of y'all remember them?

Why is there a non-straight female at my job?

Why me and her are pretty cool?

Why all the guys in the warehouse tell her how much they like, and be trying to get HER to spit game for THEM to ME?

Why they dumb as hell and ain't think she PROBABLY doesn't have their best interest at heart and MAY be trying to spit game her damn self?

Why they all just wasting their breath cause I wouldn't date not a nann one of em?

Why I'm about to go eat me one of those Swiss Cake Rolls?

Chrissy's Why's

why its so cold in here that my nose is running and my nipples are hard as lil pebbles

why i cooked bacon in the break room microwave and everybody in the office thank imma make em breakfast

why they sadly mistaken

why fa real yall i may as well be outside its so cold in here

why my bacon done got cold its so cold in here

why i like that usher and niki minaja song

why they talkin bout amber rose was in the remake of the we are the world song

why i really need to know WHY!!

why them swiss rolls are good bammy, dont they got em in chocolate and skrawberry????

why nip/tuck is a bore now

why its a good thang this the last season cause they done ran outta story ideas

why i missed bad girls club last night cause i was ironing and straight up forgot it was coming on

why i blame my kids cause it was they clothes i was ironing

why imma cop the replay

why my why's dull

why i am mad bammy talkin bout she got internet dating services sending her shit lol

why a song that was hot like 2-5 yrs ago is corny as fuck now

why some examples is its goin down by young jock and this is why i'm hot by mims

why them songs corny as fuck to me now but i jammed em hard when they came out

why i cant wait to see how hard these why's gon pop pop, POP off

Things ALL Women need to know........

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Yup, we back, and we doin alot of shit in list form, cause hey, we copying offa other blogs, ask us if we care tho.....

So me and Bammy brainstorm from time to time, believe it or not we really want this blog back up n running, anywho bammy was like i got some ideas of lists we could do and on her idea list was THINGS ALL WOMEN SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO.....i decided... DATS GON BE MY COME BACK POST....cause i done been in some situations in the last few months where i couldnt depend on anybody but my damn self, and that is the most humbling shit.....plus you learn alot, and its so many things i can do now, i couldnt do 6 months ago, and i think all you females need to work on doing these things below iffen u sophisticated ladies dont already know how.....

*Make some sorta dish from scratch, i dont care if its something as simple as cornbread, you aint gotta cook everythang out the damn box, i used to ALWAYS make Jiffy cornbread if i wanted some, till one day my ass aint have any in the cabinet, i had no car to go get a box, BUT......i had shit to make it homemade so i called my granny, she told me what to do i added a lil suga to it to make it sweet like jiffy, and mayne oh mayne was it good....

*Change the oil in ya own car, really, its as simple as untwisting a cap, letting the old oil drain out, and putting a bottle of new oil in, now if you a girly girl and dont want oil under ya nails or dirt on ya DKNY slacks then i suggest u wear some gloves and change into sweatpants, i took my car to get the oil changed in it back in November and it cost me 45 fuckin bucks, i watched them niggas do the shit and said FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS i can do this myself, i watched a friend of mine do his wife's car and guess what, shit still looked simple so next time i am saving myself some money and doing it my damn self....

*Drive a stick, i am only saying this cause every female in my family and beyond can drive a stick cept me, i wanna know how tho.....lol

*Scuse me for being Crass, but this is Chrissy ya talking to here, or reading rather, lol but i think every female should know in some way shape fashion or form to know how to make a man's toes curl, during sex, w/o using her catbox all the time if that mean blowing in his ear, stroking that spot right between his balls and asshole while sucking him off, or tweeking his nipples while u ride him like a cowgirl, u gotta know @ least 1 freaky ass thing to do....

*Every female should know her handbags, just like a man can be watching a football game and tell u the fuckin stats of the whole offensive line, the school they came from, the points in shit they scored, they momma and dem social security number......Me personally cause i loooooooooove Coach bags can spot a fake one a mile away, and if there are females out there like me, then when they see me they know all of mine are real....same with Gucci's, Louis, and all them other high priced ass handbags.....

*Every women should know @ least one sports star, it dont matter the sport, and u cant know him cause he been in the news lately for being a serial ho and being a scaredy cat and running from his wife so fast he crashed his car into a tree, u gotta know him cause u know he scored this many points a game, or because he won the Heisman when he was in college, or cause he MVP or some shit, not cause he used to be roomates in college wiff yo homegirl sister fren's boyfrens cousin or some shit.....Men like that kinda crap tho, if u can sit an dwatch a game with him and be like damn why he aint run the ball back, or some sorta football lingo like that there then that man think he got a winner in you even tho u was just sayin some random ass shit....
So Ladies, gon and tell us something that you know how to do, that you think the rest of the ladies of the world should know how to do to...And fellas, tell us what yall want us to know how to do so we can fake like we gon do it knowing damn well we aint.....

this sh!t better work..lmao