Sign Here Tiger

Tiger Woods cheated on his wife.....15 times. You know how many times that is? Whatever, we're passed that and apparently so is his wife. She called off the divorce and is gonna try and give it another go. *claps for her* I don't know many chicks that would do that but....whatever. So....I was thinking if it were me and I was put in her situation, I'd make that man whore sign a contract. And being the totally brilliant dizty broads that we are, here's what that contact would look like:

This agreement made this day between Elgin Woods Jr. and Elin Woods is to be kept and performed on the part of said parties hereto, respectively as herein stated:

I, Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods agree to; Love and honor my wife, and in doing so I have agreed to sign this contract and follow the terms agreed upon between my wife and I. I do fully understand the terms and will follow them to the best of my ability. And if I don't, I understand the consequences of those actions. I love my wife and kids, and want to make this union work.

Terms to be observed by and between the parties; If Mr. Woods is caught in any act's of infidelity either or all of the following will take place:

- His wife can chop his dick and balls set off and place it on display.

- His wife will have free reign to his bank accounts.

- He will have to pay 100,000 for every mistress that can be found.

-He will have to admit that he is indeed black...........FINALLY.

This agreement should be binding upon both parties, and hoes and or scallywags that interfere with the union between the married couple. This contract shall be enforced under the law, Nigga's ain't shit.

This is the end of the contract.

Signed this day and in the presence of:

Witness: Lorena Bobbitt __________

Stand-Up Guys

“Sitting home waiting for you, cause staring at these walls is all I can do” © - Kima, Keisha or Pam

Just about every female has been there, and she knows what I mean when I say that it is one of the worse feelings in the world. You get dressed, waiting on your date/man to come…an hour rolls by…..another hour rolls by, by this point either your seething or highly concerned. You call him, no answer. Pissed, is the emotion. The next morning the call comes. Maybe you answer it, maybe you don’t. But from that day on whenever you get dressed to go on another date, that little evil bitch ass voice in the back of your head is going to be saying “You know that nugga ain’t gon’ show up right?”

So fella’s, this list is for you. Because apparently men still stand women up:


D.E.A.T.H

Standing a female up usually spells death to a relationship. Especially if you don’t call. It may not be in the next few days but it will be one of the determining reasons later on down the line. Unless y’all have had sex and your dick game is proper. Then really all the rules go out the window. But if you haven’t, you probably won’t then. And really….you guys won’t stick around if there’s no sex, will you?

Give a Fuck-less.

She doesn’t care what the reason is….all she knows is, you made her get dressed, do her hair, get beautified and you didn’t even show up. Let me take you through the process:

First we have to decide what we want to wear. This is a task that can take up most of the time. We need to plan for every event, what pants to wear…should I wear underwear? Well if I do, I have to change pants…Do my boob’s look too small in this top? Got to find another one…..oh great it doesn’t go with the pants I have on.

We put a lot of effort into getting dressed when we go on a date. A LOT, and it goes all down the drain cause you decide you wanted to do whatever. I say this all to say, save the excuse no matter what it is. Don’t give the lame ol I’m sorry either. *do something different* (that’s a freebie, I just gave you)

Ain't worth a turd

So I hear through the grapevine that you guys are tired of hearing that saying “Nigga’s ain’t shit”? Well here is one certified way to not ever hear it again........... Don’t stand a female up. Plain and simple.

**You guys are on your own for the rest of the crap that contributes the nigga’s ain’t shit movement though.

Got a big ego, such a HUGE ego

Most women are very confident, whether it’s deserved or not. We don’t like to show it too much or let on, but we know. As confident as we are in that we are just as fragile. They probably don’t want me to you that. But it’s true, and I speak nothing but truth. And you don’t want to be one of the dents in a beautiful woman’s ego do you? There’s no coming back from that. You’ll scar her and she’ll never be able to look at you OR any other man the same. You don't want that on your conscious do you? I didn't think so.

"Once a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever" the instant we lose that bit of our confidence we'll never get it back.

So men, the next time you're about to stand a woman up.......Think about these things before you do.

**emails this to the guy that stood me up last**

Rules of Men

Got this e-mail *insert rolling of the eye's here*


The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down


Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear From the female side.


" the rules"


Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

HA! what the hell ever...I just thought I'd let you all know I'll be MIA for the next couple weeks, believe it or not I actually have a job. I know the blog will be in good hands with Chrissy and I know you all will miss me very much. Have a good weekend and I'll cyber see ya when I see ya!

*"put's the We without the e up"*

Top Ten Reasons...(Guest Blogger's kinda)

Well Chrissy and I are a part of a secret society. Okay not really, it's a forum we belong to. It's always interesting in the forum we talk about whatever is on our minds, personal issue's, relationships, sports, just about any and everything. It's a real cool place, shot out's to all the folks yall know who you are. Anyway today there was a thread created titled Top Ten reasons black men date/prefer white women over black women. Needless to say the ladies (all non white) weren't too happy and one even listed her version top 1o reasons why real black men date/prefer black women. See below...

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive.

2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.

3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.

4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.

5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.

6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.

7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.

8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.

9. Black women's tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man's struggle in white America.

10. Black women do not cater to their men.

Next list.

MY top 1o reasons why real black men date/prefer black women

1. Real Black women make black men feel like they are kings and there is no one else in the world that can or will treat them better other than God himself.

2. Real Black women are assertive and show the man that she's intrigued by his very essence.

3. Real Black women are strong headed, and willing to share responsibility in a relationship.

4. I'm not even fuckin with that one.... just DELETE

5. Real Black women expect to be treated like Queens... the same way that they treat their black King.

6. Real Black women are loving but dont take any shit off of ANYONE.

7. Real Black women get comfortable in a relationship but make sure to stay lookin' right for their man and themselves.

8. Real Black women are not OPENLY as sexually adventurous as other races but will do just about anything and everything to please their man in bed, especially in regards to oral sex.

9. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT

10. Black women wait on hand and foot for their man when they know that he's the one and they are equally matched and yoked.

Thoughts??

Happily Ever After

Flipping through the channels yesterday I stopped on E! and they were showing one of my favorite Cinderella movies Ever After with Drew Barrymore. I decided to watch for the 30th millionth time and a thought came to me. Well two thoughts came to me 1.) Why was no one speaking French and they were in France and 2.) Real life love isn't no even close to a fairy tale. Hollywood is mind-screwing us with these love movies, making us young naive people think love is this huge wave of emotion and with it you came overcome anything. And that once you find it you'll live Happily Ever After. Whomp Whomp that crap is not true yet we spend our lives looking for our Prince Charming but get stuck with Lamont and his two baby mommas or Richie who thinks he's king but don't know how to treat a woman like queen. So we are going to compile a list to Hollywood telling them what we want to see in love movies, so we won't spend anymore time looking for a man or woman that doesn't exist.

We want you to help us with this list, what are real things you want to see in love movies? No more of that fantasy and Cinderella story but the truth about love.

Cheaters Never Prosper

Blog hoping is one of things I do best, lol. While surfing the net I came across a blog that I recently just discovered and thought it was cool, The Concrete Journal and i'm not really one to hold my tounge so I leave comments. Well yesterday I did just that, it was a post about cheating. Me personally I've been cheated on a time or two and I can tell you it's a low blow and it hurts, it hurts something terrible. My whole thing is if I don't want you anymore or I see someone I want more, I'll chuck deuces rather than play games and string someone else along. I know what that feels like I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else, let alone have it done to me again. I'm a firm beliver in "do on to other's". Well I got "called out" on my comment stating 99.9999% of men cheat, the authour disagreed and here we are, but anyway agree or disagree with me over on TCJ(here), let me and the author of the blog know what your opinon is on the matter.

First Date Don'ts

Pic: googlefied

The dating scene is not what it's cracked up to be anymore. So us being the nice and caring people that we are, we decided to help the single folks out there. Here is a list of first date don'ts You follow these you might just be successful in the dating arena. Up first is the don't for the Ladies:


*Just cause dude says get whatever you want doesn't mean you should. If that were the case he woulda took you to Golden Corral.



*We know you wanna impress your date but please can we leave the freakum dresses in the closet. Is that really the first impression you wanna make?



*While you and your date are having a good insightful conversation, that is NOT the time to bring up your baby daddy, ex-boyfriend, emotional baggage or the fact that rent is due on the first. Those are buzz kills in a conversation.

*Don't tell him ALL your business, leave something for the second date (if you want a second date)


*We know drinking helps to get people more comfortable but don't drink Patron(or your drink of choice) like you're drinking a cold glass of ice water on a hot summer day and you are dying of thirst. Being smashed and not remembering what happen the night before, it's not a good idea.



Now Gents it's your turn


* DO NOT let Plies lie to you and tell you being a goon is a good look. When your 50 and still single with a serious KEG beer belly and a gold fronts..I got a secret for you it's only gonna get harder to find your bust it baby.


*Try your hardest not to look at the waitress's/walk by scallywag/on the prowl hoodrat, humps and or lumps. And if you do..well just don't..Give your lady for the night your full attention.


*When ya date orders a steak, don't ask her "you see the price on that" that's just rude, and tacky, buy the damn girl the steak and STFU


*Women don't really like pretenders. So don't pretend you are a baller and tell shawty to get whatever it is she wants but when the check comes you asking her to go half on it..That's not what's hot in the streets playa.

* Do not be demanding or feeling like you are entitled to a kiss, a rub a dub on the a double s just cause you spent some money. Ever heard the saying gotta spend money to make money?? BOOM look at it that way. But if you follows these basic rules you most likely will get at least a peck on the cheek or a hug.

GOOD LUCK!!

How to Talk to a Lady

Why do some men think cat calling out the side of their boys whip is a nice way to introduce themselves to a lady? And we are talking about a real lady not hoodrats, scallywags and skee-o's. These are just a few ways on how NOT to attract a lady:

• Seek Seek Oi - Believe it or not some men actually use that phrase. That and "hey red" or "slim" and if they are real dummies they'll even call you by what color clothes you have on. i want you men to write this down : DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT use any of those sayings. A lady will give you the rock eyebrow and keep it moving.




• Yeah men, we know we fine as hell, we know we got a phat ass in them jeans, or that our breasts are sitting right in that top, why you think we put it on, but yelling shit like "hey miss new booty let me holla @ cha.." or "damn you got me wondering what you look like naked.." and the latter, i have heard before ain't gon' get yall no kinda play so quit yelling out shit like "sexy red can i get ya number.." or "i KNOW a nigga got you on lock already cause i know if you were mine you couldn't go nowhere.." lol i made that last one up, but it sound like some rude ass crap a dumb man would say to offened a lady....




• Throwback Jersey need to be thrown away Jersey's - Believe or not what you have on will either hurt or help your chances with a lady. Make sure your jeans are at the hip level and invest in some Stacy Adams sans regular footie socks.



• Don't catch an attitude guys if we turn down your drink @ the club, or if we just kinda keep on walking when yall approach us in a rude ass way, cause calling a lady out her name, damn shole ain't gon' get you nowhere.....




• Car Appeal - Trying to talk to a lady while your inside the whip and it's moving, just won't do! Don't matter if you got a Range sitting on 20 somethings or an old beat up Honda is that really the first impression you want to have on someone?
  
  

How TO Catch a lady........one simple rule fellas, and believe it or not it works

BE YA'SELF.....none of that frontin' and noise talking, BE YA'SELF.......none of that cat calling and loud mouthing, BE YA'SELF.......none of that rudeness and disrespect cause we do not respond to that @ all.....BE YA'SELF.....got it????? GOOD....now here's our contact info.....lol

2dizzy4ya@gmail.com

Single Living

Why yes, this beautiful and edumacated(yea i said edumacated) young lady is part of a statistic in the world. The stat i'm talking about is Singleness. Now Chrissy gave here reasons of why she would like to be single and here are my reasons why i'm single. I think men all over are pretty much the same..dogs..whoops didn't mean to say that ( at least not out loud)..



*Do you know how hard it is to have a intelligent conversation with a guy my age? Yea there are some but they are so few and far between. Most of them think Soulja boy is the second coming, i can't deal with that.

*Point Blank some of yall men are just plain crazy.

*I have a low tolerance for foolishness and stupidity oh yea and lying. I just can't seem to escape none of those.


*I don't know why, but men see my back ends they only want one thing..Get to know me first or at least pretend! (lol)


*I'm a homebody, not one for clubs and the hot scene. Every once in a while yea but for the most part give me a good book or movie and some cuddle time and I'm fine. Guys tend to always wanna go out..wandering eyed/cheating bastids.(Damn there goes that slippage of the mouth/keystrokes again)


*I'm kinda friendly and guys take that to be cheating or flirting. I don't need a overbearing overprotected man getting mad cause i have alot of guy friends, speaking of which


* I have alot of guy friends..HEY how many females do you know that can tell you where just about any athlete went to school and has serious love for sports? AND is hip hop head? I'm bound to have male friends and yes females and males can be just friends.


*I'm young I don't need to be tied down, gotta experience life..give me a few more years and if i'm still single by then we might have a problem.